Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
