Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
