It was confusing and full of hummus
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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