It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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