Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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