One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
