life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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