they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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