i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
