They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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