you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
