I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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