I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
