Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
