you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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