just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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