he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
