Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
