It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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