I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
