it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
