I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
