It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
