I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
