I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
