Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
