I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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