at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
