I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
