Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
