if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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