Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
