i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
