We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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