Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
