My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
