we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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