Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
