There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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