didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
