How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
