My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
