Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
