I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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