He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
