Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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