Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
