pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
