Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
