She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
