i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
