I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
