I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
